|Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse; But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I'd hit rock bottom.|
I’VE SEEN THIS POST FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS AND JUST NOW GOT THE JOKE.
I JUST BUSTED OUT LAUGHING I PROBABLY WOKE UP MY HOUSE
terms for penis you should not use in fics:
- love stick
- ding dong
- 100% all-beef thermometer
- bologna pony
- stinky pickle
- magic wand
- divine rod
- love muscle
- power drill
- captain winky
- yogurt slinger
- DNA rifle
ok but i would read the shit out of a fic that used ALL of those on the same scene
My dad would tell me that when we were little and people would say to him “wow, four daughters, that’s a lot of weddings to pay for” (because traditionally the bride’s family would pay for the wedding), my dad would respond with “well, we’re hoping at least one of them will be gay so we can split the cost with the other bride’s family”
He said people never knew how to respond
every possible thing in every possible universe has been said
1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay.
2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want.
3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.
4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy.
5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life.▼ Five things I am trying very hard to accept (via thenocturnals)